JOKES, ANECDOTES, FUNNY QUOTES, SILLY STORIES ETC. LAUGH !!!

Let's go off-top!

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oreok
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JOKES, ANECDOTES, FUNNY QUOTES, SILLY STORIES ETC. LAUGH !!!

Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

AT THIS FORUM THERE ARE SO MANY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE AND I'M SURE THAT WE ALL HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR AS WELL! :wink: :D ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH, SMILE, GRIN ETC. PUT IT HERE !!!! HAVE FUN AT THIS POST !!!!! :tongue: :ah: :puppy: :laugh: :mrgreen:






HERE IS SOMETHING I GOT AS A MAIL BY A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE IN THE UNITED STATES. HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT. NO OFFENCE AGAINST OTHER NATIONS OR COMMUNITIES INTENDED SO DON'T TAKE ANYTHING TOO SERIOUS :wink: :)


Planning to visit Australia?

>

> The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.

> They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who are clearly typical
Aussies!

>

> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).

> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

>

> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

>

> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks?

(Sweden)

> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

>

> Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

>

> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)

> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does

not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

>

> Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

>

> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

>

> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is.... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

>

> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)

> A: You are a British politician, right?

>

> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?

(Germany)

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.

>

> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.

>

> (As a side note, the top five most poisonous snake species on Earth
live in Australia.)

>

> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

>

> Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

> A: No, WE don't stink.

>

> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

>

> Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

>

> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

> A: Only at Christmas.

>

> Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl
I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

>

> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

THIS WAS SENT TO ME BY THE SAME FRIEND. ENJOY IT GIRLS !!! HOPE NO MAN (ESPECIALLY OUR VALODJA) WILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT THIS BUT WILL SMILE WITH THE GIRLS.... :wink: :P


Subject: Ultimate Female Joke



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterwork cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered.

He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her .

Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, then slowly, and meaningfully said....

"Clean my house."
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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Непрочитанное сообщение megis »

oreok писал(а):THIS WAS SENT TO ME BY THE SAME FRIEND. ENJOY IT GIRLS !!! HOPE NO MAN (ESPECIALLY OUR VALODJA) WILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT THIS BUT WILL SMILE WITH THE GIRLS.... :wink: :P


Subject: Ultimate Female Joke



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterwork cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered.

He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her .

Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, then slowly, and meaningfully said....

"Clean my house."
:lol: :ah: :lol: :ah: :lol: :ah: :lol:
Владимир - ЩЕ СЕ СТРЕЛЯМ С НАСЛЕДНИКА!
ИИ - Нещо за наследника ли спомена ?
Владимир - Не,татко,няма нищо.

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Poisy
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Непрочитанное сообщение Poisy »

LOL! Australians rule!!

Conversation over Dinner
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

MAN: Shit.


Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.

L.A. POLICE DEPT.: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I do not know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed
the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road
justifies whatever motive there was.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released Chicken Coop 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your checkbook and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with "THAT" chicken!

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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

I love all you men.. dont get mad...!!!!!muah....

TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS


1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them
all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out
alone.

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well - they never mature
anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that
you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity
to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too
old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.
Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him
jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

Capitalism For Dummies

Traditional Capitalism:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

American Capitalism:

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to proude the milk of four cows. You are suprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism:

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism:

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

German Capitalism:

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism:

You have two cows, but you dont know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism:

You have two cows. They are both mad.

Russian Capitalism:

You have two cows. You count them again and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Swiss Capitalism:

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Canadian Capitalism:

You have 12 cows. You start a hockey team.

Chinese Capitalism:

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism:

You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Israeli Capitalism:

You have two cows. They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send there calves to Harvard to become doctors, so who needs people?

Cuban Capitalism:

You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Australian Capitalism:

You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism:

You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Californian Capitalism:

You have two cows. They are happy.

Arkansas Capitalism:

You have two cows. The one on the left is kinda cute....

Disney Capitalism:

You have two cows. They dance and sing.

Clinton Capitalism:

You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Nevadan Capitalism:

You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.

Surreal Capitalism:

You have two Girraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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Непрочитанное сообщение sweetelena2005 »

heheheheheheh :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
nice :lol:
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die!

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oreok
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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

MEN’S RULES

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please not: these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We’ll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!

1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Please pick one.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you hear it.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

1. If you won’t dress like the “Victoria’s Secret” girls, don’t expect us act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you.

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine !!!

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.

1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

This is a nice one !!! I found it at a German site some time ago and here is the English translation. It’s not very up to date because it deals with the events shortly after the Bush administration took over office from the Clinton government but it makes one laugh anyway…


GEORGE BUSH AT SCHOOL

On a propaganda tour through America President Bush visits a school and there he explains the policy of his government to the pupils. Then he tells the children to ask him questions. Little Bob starts to speak.

Mr. President I have three questions:

1. How did you win the election though the counting of the votes proved you had no majority?

2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without any reason?

3. Don’t you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the greatest terrorist attack of all times?

At that moment the school bell rings and all the children run out of the class rooms. After the break is over all the children return to their classrooms and President Bush again tells them to ask him questions. This time little Kevin takes the opportunity.

Mr. President I have five questions:

1. How did you win the election though the counting of the votes proved you had no majority?

2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without any reason?

3. Don’t you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the greatest terrorist attack of all times?

4. Why did the school bell ring 20 minutes earlier today?

5. Where is Bob ???
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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sweetelena2005
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Непрочитанное сообщение sweetelena2005 »

hehheehheehhehe :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
oh sweety oreok :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
thanx
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die!

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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

HELLO SWEETELENA HONEY !!!!

I'M GLAD YOU'RE ENJOYING IT :D !!!!! IT'S REALLY AMAZING WHAT HYSTERICAL STUFF THERE IS ON THE WEB AND I'M ALSO GRATEFUL TO ALL THOSE OF MY FRIENDS WHO KEEP SENDING ME FUNNY THINGS :P.


POISY LOVE,

HERE I A SEQUEL OF "WHY THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD?" I THINK IT'S HILARIOUS.... :lol: :lol: :lol:



Arthur Andersen Consultant:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impact environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a
consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the
chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards
the creation of a total business integration solution. (Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Machiavelli:

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Another Answer:

So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear,
for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe:

The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Jack Nicholson's Answer:

'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.

Hippocrates:

Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Henry David Thoreau:

To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Epicurus:

For fun.

Moses:

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

(former) Iraq Information Minister:

There is no such chicken trying to cross the road, and there never has been any such chicken.

Darwin:

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Another Answer:

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Colin Powell :

This is not about whether inspectors made sure the chicken crossed the road, it's about the willingness of the chicken to cross the road voluntarily.

Gandhi:

All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.

Rene Descartes:

Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.

Shakespeare :

To cross or not to cross, that is the question.

Isaac Newton:

The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .

Mark Twain:

The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Salvador Dali :

The Fish.

Secretary Cheney:

Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they
wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need
help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the
road myself.

The Sphinx:

You tell me.

Neil Armstrong:

To go where no chicken has gone before.

Another Answer:

That's one small step for Chicken, one giant leap for Chicken kind.

Thomas de Torquemada:

Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary:

Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

George Bush:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

John Lennon:

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Voltaire:

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

Fox Mulder:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Scully:

It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Bill Clinton:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Another Answer:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

Albert Einstein:

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

Another Answer:

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha:

If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Joseph Stalin:

I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

John Locke:

Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus:

It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Oliver Stone:

The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Another Answer:

National Security was at stake

George Orwell:

Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Plato:

For the greater good.

Nietzsche:

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Jean-Paul Sartre:

In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Emily Dickenson:

Because it could not stop for death.

O.J. Simpson:

It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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sweetelena2005
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Непрочитанное сообщение sweetelena2005 »

ya thank u oreok :D
all joke and silly thing and stuff make u laff i have them in arabic!
and it lilhard to translet :?

:D :D :D
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die!

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Poisy
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Непрочитанное сообщение Poisy »

hehehehehe oh my holy goodness!!!

I've cried my heart out!!!

My fave answers are of Mulder and Scully (of course, as a devoted X-files fan :roll: ), Nietzsche was as well extraordinary!!!!
and oh gosh when reading Arthur Anderson answer, for a minute I thought I was raeding my CFA books hehehehehehe;))))

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oreok
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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

YEAAAAAAAAH !!!!

ANDERSEN IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES, TOO THOUGH I ALSO LOVE THE ANSWERS BY SADDAM HUSSEIN, STALIN, THE SPHINX... GOODNESS THEY'RE ALL LUDICROUSLY GOO !!!!!

HERE IS A NEW ONE I HOPE YOU WILL LIKE.


Once on a pleasant day in Paradise Eve called on God.

"Lord, I've got a problem!"

"What is your problem Eve?"

"Lord, I do know that you created this magnificent Garden for me, with all those beautiful animals and that hilariously funny snake but I'm not happy!"

"Why are you not happy Eve?", Lord in Heaven asked.

"Lord, I'm terribly lonely and besides I'm sick and tired of apples."

"Well, Eve in this case I've got a good idea. I will create a man for you."

"What's a man Lord?"

"A man is a defective creature with aggressive tendencies and distinctive selfishness. He's incapable of empathy and of listening to you. All in all, he will cause you a lot of trouble and sorrow.
But he will be bigger, faster and much more muscular than you. He is an excellent fighter, a brilliant football player and in addition he is a skilful hunter. Moreover, he's a fairly good lover..."


"That doesn't sound too bad", Eve said, smiling ironically.

"O.K. then but you can only have him under one condition!"


"And what's that condition Lord?"


"You must let him think that I created him first..."
I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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oreok
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Непрочитанное сообщение oreok »

HELLO SWEETIES, :P

I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE THIS ONE :lol: 8)

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says: “We only have one rule here in heaven… don’t step on the ducks.” So they entered heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says: “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing, and with him another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on very tall, tanned and muscular. St. Peter chains them together and leaves without saying a word.

The woman remarks: “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity ?” The guy says: “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.”

I AM ROMANTIC YOU KNOW, READY TO MAKE ANY KIND OF FOOLISHNESS FOR LOVE. (DANYA)

A WOMAN KNOWS THE FACE OF THE MAN SHE LOVES AS A SAILOR KNOWS THE OPEN SEA (HONORE DE BALZAC)

THE ARTIST VOCATION IS TO SEND LIGHT INTO THE HUMAN HEART (GEORGE SAND)

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